I typed frantically, hoping the e-mail would seem coherent but really just wanting to get out an SOS. I was in a dead lock and I knew that my mentor could help. Whenever I’ve been in a real pickle, or just wanted to vent, she’s listened….well, read all about it. This time I was really looking for an answer. No support, no “it’s going to be ok,” just a real, balls out(sorry, had to go there) answer. I knew she could deliver.
I clicked send. I waited 30 seconds and then hit refresh. No reply. Ok, wait another 30 minutes and hit it again. Dang it! Calm down, psycho, you did just wrote a dissertation in an e-mail. Give her a few minutes.
While I waited, I just had to do something. I knew in my heart that we weren’t moving. There was no way I could allow my family to move to a new place when the bread winner of the house didn’t really approve. He’s my better half and I knew I just had to give this up. But I still needed to understand why I was giving it up. A “feeling” just wasn’t sitting well with me. Finding a new place to live was not an emotional decision; it was pure business. Numbers were crunched and time tables were created. And although I tend to be the “intuition, full of feeling” pisces of the household, we both agreed that this was truly a black and white thing. Now all of a sudden, and I mean all of a sudden, something changes.
Since I knew we were going to end up staying at the old place, I decided to start looking online for ways to change around a small space. If we were going to stay here, EVERYTHING would have to be re-done, re-vamped, and moved around. There were great resources that I found and it started to give me a bit of hope that I wouldn’t end up going crazy staying here for another year. I got so into it that I forgot to check my e-mail. Well, at least for half an hour.
I finally got back to my e-mail and just as I suspected, my Obi Wan spoke the realness to me. She reminded me that sometimes life happens, and sometimes it sucks. Plain and simple. She also pointed out that if this isn’t something that Hubby usually says or does, then maybe there is a real reason for his thoughts coming out now. Something that neither Hubby nor I will understand right now, but there has to be an under-lying reason. All would come to light eventually. “Obi Wan” is wise, “Obi Wan” is great. The best thing she said? “At least you two didn’t put any real money down on the new place.” Thank the Lord for that! So, with answers in brain and some type of plan for re-doing our place, I felt my chest lighten a bit. I was(and still am) disappointed, but I had to put my big girl panties on and get over it. Mama doesn’t have time to sit and pout. Mama’s got things to do.
So where do we stand now? Well, we recently had to come up with 1400 dollars to hand over to the old apartment and I mean RECENTLY….. like in the past 3 days. They were pretty P.O’d that we had decided to not move. They are in the middle of remodeling all of the vacant apartments in the complex and i’m quite sure that we totally messed up a time table for them. We had agreed to let them take our deposit that has been saved instead of us paying them when we moved and then waiting for our deposit check. That deal was obviously destroyed once Hubby made his big decision. And the real kicker? We had to give them all of this by friday of this week. I had to hope and pray that the money would tranfer from our ING savings in time. Thank goodness it did and everything is done now. We’re here….for another year.
The job of a wife is hard sometimes. After only 4+ years, I know that. But the love is hard all the time and with this test, I learned that. Even though I didn’t “get it”(and still don’t), I still love, appreciate and respect my Husband. I do see, though, that I will have to invest in more “big girl” panties. Thats gonna be a must…