He hates when I do that…

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There are many things that are different between my Husband and I. Whether it be our tastes in certain foods(how can he love Miracle Whip so much?) or how we like to spend a weekend together, there is always something. We both do realize that this keeps the spice in our marriage but there are a few things that just gets under each other’s skins no matter what. For my husband, it’s my incessant planning.

Now, he doesn’t mind the planning really, but it’s when I plan things for myself that he should be planning for me. For example, every year, without fail, I tell him that I would appreciate if I didn’t have to do the planning for my own birthday celebrations. I promise to let go and give him a chance to take over. At first, I feel relieved. I don’t have to worry about if we go somewhere and one friend with a specific diet won’t like the restaurant, or worrying about what time I should tell everyone to be ready, what cake I want, what places are great for celebrating a birthday, etc. I can wash my hands of it and move on.

Then, the weeks go by. I hear from friends asking what the plans are and I tell them to expect a call, or text, or e-mail from Hubby any day.

Then even more days go by. Still no plans are made. And I get nervous. Really nervous. For quite a few years, I had a long string of un-happy birthdays. Spending them away from family, having friends actually forget that it was my birthday until days later, and even a few tragedies happening around the big day. So, when I hear that NO plans were in the works with only a week or so to go, I get that tinge of angst. So….I just go ahead and do it myself.

It always turns into a bit of a fight, but because it’s my birthday, my dear Husband tries to let it go as quick as possible and follows through with the plans I planned for him to use as his “plans.” The birthdays tend to go off without a hitch. But, after the festivities are over, I hear it. Boy, do I hear it. At least he’s nice enough to wait until my birthday is over to lay into me about it, but I know he would like to do quite a bit of yelling right when it happens. And it happens EVERY YEAR. Why do I continue to do it when I know it bothers him? I don’t know. It’s one of those stupid things that I do annually that I just can’t break. Maybe one day, when I’m old and gray, I’ll get the point.

But for now, I can take solace in the fact that even though I’m a pain in the ass around my birthday, he still loves me in the end. I wonder if we can make a trade. I’ll work on my “planning” issues if he’ll work on his “put your socks IN the hamper, not around the hamper” issue. There’s a thought.

This post was inspired by Mama’s Losin’ it Writer’s Workshop

About Amiyrah

My name is Amiyrah and I'm an an African American fashion & lifestyle blogger based in Ohio.

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  1. 3.23.11
    Jenny said:

    Maybe if he did actual planing himself then you wouldn’t be so stressed out and do it all by yourself. Instead of yelling at you he should be grateful that someone bailed him out from failed non-plans and came up with good plans for the events. If anything he’s probably more angry with himself for not doing what he was supposed to do in the first place.

  2. 3.23.11

    Sounds like my DH and I! I make plans to MAKE plans LOL. And I’m the same way with my bday….my DH just has no clue and I want to have fun and I know if he plans it, we may NOT have fun, so I normally plan it. The only difference is my DH won’t yell at me…he knows better b/c he’ll be in the dog house 🙂

  3. 3.23.11
    Alex M said:

    I am an over-planner too… and I am married to a procrastinator. This year he begged me to buy my own birthday present because he knew what he wanted me to have (a new guitar amplifier) but he didn’t know what to buy. Of course, I hate to spend money and hadn’t done anything… so he kept bugging me. Finally, I found one on clearance on-line yesterday and bought it. He is hoping it gets to our house before the 28th because he’s going to put a big bow on it.

    His gripe with me is that I don’t like to buy big ticket items and he wants me to loosen up. I think my buying this amp meant more to him than it did to me because it meant I was willing to spend $500 on something.

    We are really opposites too!

  4. 3.23.11
    Amiyrah said:


    that’s exactly what it is! He definitely feels like he didn’t do the whole job because he didn’t do what he was supposed to do in the first place. So, it’s mostly a frustration with himself than me. I also use the word “yell” loosely lol. He never really yells at me, but puts that deep, strong, authoritative voice on me lol. We’ve talked about this endlessly throughout the year, but it’s just something I can’t shake! It’s only been 6 years of marriage, so maybe we’ll come up with a solution before our 50th anniversary lol.

  5. 3.24.11

    Let us know how it goes with him putting his socks in the hamper! Thanks for the chuckles!

  6. 3.24.11
    Kristi said:

    This post is really funny. I love that you actually realize that you do this. 🙂 For next year just tell him to PLAN on YOU planning your special day. Then there’s no issue! lol
    Thanks for sharing
    Stopping by from Mama Kat’s

  7. 3.25.11
    Bruna said:

    No one in my house ever put their socks INSIDE the hamper. I find them lying around the house!

    The birthday planning thing. It’s a guy thing. Mine leaves things till the very last minute too. He hates it when I step in and take over.

    Thanks for visiting me today:)
    Added myself to your followers list!

  8. 3.25.11

    My husband sometimes steps up and does some planning. When he does, I am so excited. I don’t even care what he plans because I am so grateful NOT to have to do it all myself. He even says “wherever you want” when I ask where he wants to go for vacation. Thanks for nothing, honey. That is NO help at all!

  9. 3.28.11

    Sounds like a good trade to me. I bet he’d take you up on it.

    Stopping by from writer’s workshop. Here’s the links to ours if you get a chance to stop by:
    http://zemeks.blogspot.com/2011/03/how-we-make-each-other-crazy-writers.html and