You just have to love strangers that offer you advice about you, your shopping habits, your relationships and your children. I mean, don’t you? They’re only trying to help, of course, and them butting into every part of you within the first 5 minutes they know you is warranted. Right?
Well, I have my top ten things I would love to say to those strangers that seem to know how to raise my kids and what I’m doing wrong by them. This should be interesting:
1) No lady, my son is not shy. He’s been taught not to talk to strangers. Weren’t you taught that too? Well, I’m a stranger. Ahem.
2) No, she’s a girl. Yes, I’m sure. Get her ears pierced? Well I’ll be damned. Why didn’t I think of that? Oh yeah, I did and I decided I don’t want to. By the way, what was your name again?
3) Well hello old man at the neighboring table. Yes, my son loves to drum at the dinner table. Uh huh, well we have thought about getting him music lessons to “let go of all that energy.” My producer husband never ever thought about that. Nope, his father that plays 5 instruments didn’t think that putting his child in classes. Because you said so, we’ll enroll him in piano lessons tomorrow.
4) Holy crap! You are right! I’m totally wearing my baby wrong in my carrier. It’s not like I researched wearing these for months before I did it because that would be the smart thing to do. Yes, yes Ma’am, I should just use a stroller because that is waaay safer. And easier. Oh, you never wore your kids in wraps or carriers? But, I’m guessing your the expert. We’ll place her in the stroller immediately.
5) Yup, it’s a bottle. No, she is not breastfed. Yes, breast is best, I totally agree. Why are you talking to me about my breasts? Who the hell are you? Please go away.
6) No waitress, it’s OK that she’s eating some of my dinner. Yes, she eats “people” food, instead of baby food. No, I don’t need you to cut it up for her. No, she won’t die, I promise. If she does, I won’t hold you accountable. Are you sure you want your tip, or do you want to keep having this conversation?
7) So, because me children like to be polite and smile back at people, they’re in danger of being kidnapped one day? Wow, you just made me feel so much better by putting that thought into my head. I you trying to warn me of what you may do in the future? *scampering away with a child under each arm*
8) Yup, a binky. Gross, yup you are correct. Exactly! I should just rip it out of my 10 month old baby’s mouth right now. Screw the crying; she’ll get over it.
9) Nope, that’s not soda in his cup, it’s water/juice. Soda is bad for kids?! Holy sh*t! I’m…I’m shocked. Thank you kind sir for informing me of this.
10) Yes, that’s really my age. Yes, I have 2 kids at this age. I’d rather not tell you what I do for a living, since you’re a STRANGER. Listen, thanks for your opinion, but please keep this in mind: Opinions are like bungholes, everyone has them and usually everyone agrees that the other one stinks. Have a good day.
This post was inspired by Mama Kat’s writing prompts, and boy did help me get out some anger. One thing that peeves me to the core is unsolicited advice from strangers. Ugh.