What’s harder: Love or Marriage?

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Recently, the Husband and I had a long talk about how things are progressing in our marriage. We tend to have these talks from time to time, kind of like a “marriage tune up.” Because our relationship is an ever growing entity, it needs to be acknowledged as so. We make sure to discuss it in depth every month or two. This talk, however, had an interesting twist to it. The discussion led to the definition of Love and Marriage.

Although they meld together, Love and Marriage are two totally different aspects of life. Marriage is something that is tactile; a contract held in your hand, signed by both parties, and can be used in a court of law. Love, on the other hand, is more like air: you can see the effects of it, you can feel it and it can touch you. Like air, it can also be fleeting. It can build up and blow you away or it can touch you in such a way and disappear before you can figure out what just happened. But which is harder to handle and maintain? He chose love while I chose marriage.

My argument was that Love is easy to constantly provide. It can be unconditional, and open-hearted. Marriage is the one that initiates work. It takes respect, planning, and constant up-keep. My husband’s argument is that marriage is the easy part. You already know that you will be on the same page, so decisions made together should be no problem. You find a partner to maneuver through life with. He says that falling in love is easy, but staying in love takes work.

Now, from his words, I could have easily taken it the wrong way. To say that it takes work to stay in love, made me think that he was saying that it takes work to stay in love with ME. That obviously wasn’t the case. It’s also safe to say that I am an easy lover. When I meet people, I tend to be open and inviting, only cutting someone off if they’ve done me wrong. Actually, I tend to give people 2nd, 3rd, and 4th chances with me because of my loving heart. My husband is the total opposite. You have to earn his trust and love. The only people in his life that he easily gave both to has been me and our children. Although we disagreed on the topic, it did help us understand why each of us does what we do in certain situations. Like most marriages, our different views on life helps the other see situations in a new light. My open heart has helped him to appreciate the good in people, while his stoic and realistic outlook on life helps me toughen up a bit and realize that trust does need to be earned and not given away like candy.

We both see where we need to work harder. With his ebb and my flow, or vice versa, we can make both Love and Marriage stronger within our home.

I’d love to know what you think! Do you see Love as the difficult aspect of a marriage, is the marriage itself the hard part?

About Amiyrah

My name is Amiyrah and I'm an an African American fashion & lifestyle blogger based in Ohio.

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  1. 4.30.12
    Anonymous said:

    To paraphrase Tom Hanks in A League Of Their Own, “Of course it’s hard. If it wasn’t hard, everyone would be doing it. Hard is what makes it great.” I know after the last mean comment you said you don’t like to receive Anonymous posts, but I’ve had it drummed into my head that a person should never leave a name unless required, so I hope you don’t mind if I remain Anonymous. Anyway, that is such a beautiful picture of you and your husband! Do you owe that figure to the rigors of the military? All I can say is…Let’s see our enemies build a better one of THOSE!!!

  2. 5.1.12
    Jenny said:

    I have to agree with your hubby – love is harder. Like him I’m very closed off and for me to let anyone into my life to that level is very tough. I don’t forgive easily either. But of course since I love my hubby mariage for us was easy decision. It doesn’t really differ from our before-mariage days once we set up boundaries from the start.

  3. 5.1.12
    Amiyrah said:


    Please don’t worry about posting as anonymous on my account! Especially since you leave such lovely comments :). I love A League of Their Own and that quote fits this situation perfectly! Although it may be hard, either love or marriage, it is so worth the work. And on the comment about the body? Have you seen my kids? They run me ragged and skinny. They also eat like horses (which is why I HAVE TO keep cooping lol) so I tend to get the smaller plates at dinner. I swear, kids are the best diet lol.


    Again, I love the comments you leave me. I can see you being much like my hubby; after reading your blog forever and meeting you, I see the similarities. And because of that, I will always welcome your opinion. You help me see what he sees. Thanks again for the comment, friend 🙂

  4. 5.7.12

    I agree with you! For me, marriage is harder than love. Marriage sometimes includes all the tediousness of daily life (finances, chores, etc), and I hate to admit this, it can really feel tedious sometimes. It has always been easy for me to fall in love, but I’ve had to work so hard to stay in love every time. This is a great post because it’s given me a prompt to think about what I think about love and marriage.

  5. 5.8.12
    Amiyrah said:


    I’m so glad that it inspired you! I can’t wait to see what you write. Make sure to tweet about it so I don’t miss it :).