I have a thing for spiders. And by “thing” I mean, a crippling, catatonic-inducing fear of them. Whether they’re small or big and hairy, they make me squirm to the point of convulsion.
Here’s the backstory in a nutshell: when I was 4, I went under my bed to grab a toy. As I pulled it out from underneath, the hairiest fucking spider i’ve ever seen scampered right behind my toy. It hissed, had fangs and warned me to never enter his lair again. OK, the hissing part isn’t true, neither is the speaking, but it was ugly and my 4-year-old self is pretty sure it had fangs. Like 90% sure.
I grew up, got tough, and at the ripe old age of 15, I viewed this fantastic movie called Starship Troopers. It’s a classic tale: boy loves girl, girl loves military life, boy joins the military for girl and she crushes his heart. Oh yeah, and they kill a SHIT TON of bugs. I mean, it’s a legendary amount. I watched this movie with wide eyes and pure excitement. Casper Van Deen was a man on a mission to “kill bugs dead.” He was a bug-killing bad ass, which in turn, made me wanna follow suit. The spiders were huge and scary in the movie, and I released a cackle-type laugh every time one met it’s demise. The movie gets me pumped. And side note: I believe it just might be one of the best B movies of all time…in the 90s.
Obviously, my love for this film stems from the aforementioned messed-up childhood experience. I get that. But, it does something so important for me; it helps me through a serious phobia, and for that I’ll always be grateful. Anything that may hold you back only has an effect on you if you let it. Whether I’m dealing with a bout of PTSD or a Black Widow sighting, I have the power to turn into a bad ass and defeat the fear. It’s all up to me.
I also get that Starship Troopers really isn’t a good movie. The acting is horrible, it stars Denise Richards, and shows boobs but no penis. But, it also features Neil Patrick Harris as a super-sexy nerd. And as we all know: NPH is the shit.