With 33 weeks of gestation under my belt (actually over it, but I digress), it’s come to the point where I’m feeling ropy-poly. Full of life and baby wonder. I’m also filling quite full. The hardest part is eating constantly. So, tickle me shocked when my doctor said a few weeks ago that I needed to GAIN weight. I couldn’t fathom putting even one more snack into my mouth. I also turned to Facebook, again, to ask for help. Many of my friends had wonderful ideas, full of milk shakes, ice cream and avocados. 3 things that I literally can’t have daily.
A funny thing happened after that conversation. Just like that, my appetite started to pick up. I did a two-step church shuffle in celebration. But, there was one problem: I now had what I love to call baby hunger. You know, it’s that hunger that shows up at the most inopportune times of the day, like when you have to pee, or when you’re 2 hours from any fast food place that won’t cause you heartburn later.
For me, baby hunger comes around 1:30am. Every. Single. Night.
I get all snuggled up in bed, laying my big belly on the side that hurts the least, and then my unborn tyrant takes over.
“Let’s eat something.”
“We JUST ate at midnight. We had grapes. What are you, a Mogwai?”
“But I’m hungry. Get up. Now.” He proceeds to kick and punch until I comply.
I stumble out of bed. Well, I roll out, after trying about 3 times. I’m a turtle, ladies and gentlemen. I gingerly put on my slippers, with my silk bonnet all askew on my head and a trickle of sweat down my back.
“Ok, little kid. Here are more grapes. Let’s eat this and get to sleep.”
“What the hell, bro?! Give me FOOD, mom. Food. I mean it. Don’t make me grab your bladder, because you know I will. I’m the boss, playa.”
So, the above picture is me, at 1:30am, making an egg sandwich. See that face I’m making? That’s my face every night. You don’t want to see the face I make when my husband stumbles into the kitchen asking me what I’m doing. You also don’t want to hear the profanity I lay down on that joker when he asks a very loaded question like that.
So, the struggle is real around these parts. If you see me on Facebook, Twitter or pinning on Pinterest around 2amEST each night, you’ll know what’s up. The tyrant has taken over again. Baby hunger, yo.