One of the best 80s movies of all time is 1989’s Teen Witch. I know, I know, that’s a pretty bold statement, but hear me out. Teen Witch encompasses all of best parts of every 80s movie, without having to watch them all. You get that totally tubular, complete righteous feeling that only a movie full of big hair, dance numbers and teen awkwardness can give. Plus, there’s magic. Magic always makes everything better. Little did you know, there is a secret society of Teen Witch fans. What to know if you’re part of the crew? Read on, my friend.
The Teen Witch Society understands that every movie needs to open with a dream/music video sequence. If the love interest is wearing a short sleeve shirt with dressy slacks, that’s a bonus.
The Teen Witch Society knows how awesome it is to have a red-headed main character. If she can go from dowdy to completely cool throughout the movie, we immediately swoon upon her popular arrival. Think I’m wrong about beautiful ginger leading ladies? I have two words for you: Molly Ringwald.
The Teen Witch Society understands that the love interest needs to have a one-syllabel, 4 letter first name. Brad just sounds right. Why do you think Brandon from The Goonies wanted to be called Bran instead? Well, now you KNOW why.
The Teen Witch Society knows how to Top That, and can recite the rhymes, yo. Check it:
The Teen Witch Society needs a dance sequence or cheerleading routine (or both) announcing how much the female characters like boys. We also appreciate a good hand-clap within a corny song.
The Teen Witch Society loves magic spells that embarrass bad teachers (a voodoo spell is a great choice) and rewards really awesome teachers (place that lottery ticket in her sweater. She totally won’t think it was a magic spell).
The Teen Witch Society loves a happy ending where the geeky main character can always be “the most popular girl,” pretty and still get the football quarterback. Because…that’s real life.
Now top that.
Have you never seen Teen Witch? For shame! Turn on your Netflix and watch it right now. Right now! Then watch Practical Magic afterwards, for good measure.
I’m a member of the Netflix Steam Team. All opinions about 80s movies, however awesome they are, are mine alone.