This year, my husband and I will celebrate 14 years of marriage and 19 years together. Over these past years, I’ve learned so much about not only my partner, but myself. We experienced so many happy moments and milestones, but my biggest struggle as a wife has always been a constant. Today, I’d love to talk with you about it, and share how it may be something I can’t control.
Have I said I love my husband? Well, I do. I really do. He’s my best friend, and my favorite person on the planet. He’s extremely attractive, and he finds me equally attractive. Within our very unique story we fell in love with each other before we even spent time together in the same room. But, that’s something we’ll talk about another time.
With this attraction, love and admiration for each other, you’d think intimacy would be easy. On my husband’s end, without getting too graphic, intimacy is NEVER a problem. With me, it’s always been an issue. I desire him in my heart, but there has been a disconnect with my brain. I felt ashamed. I felt like I wasn’t doing my “wifely duties” correctly.
In small friend circles and wife groups, I was told to wear sexy clothing, and once I put myself in a place of romance, I’d get in the mood. That’s never worked for me, and I was sure this would result in my husband leaving me. For 14 years, I worried. Even after creating and birthing 3 wonderful children, I worried. What was wrong with me? Why am I like this? If you’d ever felt this way, have you heard of HSDD?
What Is HSDD?
Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD) is the most common form of sexual dysfunction in women. Did you know that sexual dysfunction is something women experience? This isn’t a male-centered issue. The website Right To Desire talks about what HSDD is, and shares information to help us decide is this is something that we may have experienced in the past, or are experiencing currently.
What shocked me about is HSDD is a defined medical condition and is the most common form of sexual dysfunction in women. While it’s been been recognized in medical communities for nearly 1/2 a century, women have never been given the same rights as men. Society has reinforced this ideal making female sexual dysfunction taboo or, worse, trivial.
Breaking The Bedroom Silence
As someone who was sure that I wasn’t doing enough when it came to intimacy with my husband, learning about HSDD has been refreshing. 1 in 10 women experience Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder, so this is a topic should be discussing more in our friend circles. Be sure to visit the Right To Desire website to learn more, because we going to have some open and honest conversations about this over the next few weeks.
If this is something you’ve struggled with as a wife, and you’re willing to talk with me about it, please let me know in the comments below. I look forward to chatting with you about this.